Sex: Yes, please.
By Jeff Thier

Sex: What it’s about and what it should be
Picture two freshman kids in high school sneaking off to the restroom and trying it out. Or how about a college girl having sex in a guy’s dorm room – with his roommate sleeping on the bunk bed above. Or maybe a 25 year old successful business man at a bar two in the morning still trying to get some.

What ever happened to sex? Loving sex. Sensual sex. Safe sex. It’s been replaced with a faster, quicker, more curious version that’s only interested in the actual physical course of sex. There’s no time for getting to know each other, feeling safe in one another’s arms, no time for foreplay.

Well, if this is how sex is, let’s see if we can make it just a bit better.

Sex: If there’s grass, play ball
If I had a 15 year old boy, he’d better be more interested in things like Playstation and Saturday morning cartoons than having sexual intercourse with Samantha two seats over in History class. So when should you have sex?

Well, if I was a member of the Brady Bunch, Mike Brady (dad) would be having a groovy chat with me about when I’m ready. He’d say, “Jeff, before you pick a girl’s flower, be sure that you love her and that she loves you.” Now let’s translate that into today: “Jeff, have sex with that girl only when you can look into her eyes and feel totally safe naked in her arms.”

Sex: No pregnancies, no STD’s please
There’s not many thoughts that can cause me to stop breathing and faint like a little girl, but getting a girl pregnant is one of them. Especially the un-planned ones. But then again, there are guys out there who just immune to it. I over heard a friend’s conversation once on the phone where he said, “What? Are you sure? Well, take care of it.”

Just practice safe sex. It’s that easy. You have the extreme drastic option of (gasp) no sex. Nothing is safer than that. But how about smart sex. Sleeping with many partners is just plain ludicrous. However, sleeping with many partners but knowing their history and current health is just plain ingenious. So, that means no more one night stands with strangers! Why not find yourself a challenge and find someone who’s actually worth having sex with. Trust me, you’ll find it much more satisfying.

Sex: The juices are flowing and there’s no stopping!
Then you must employ the good help of our friends Mr. Trojan or Durex. The use of condoms is a must when having sex without the intentions of producing a 5 year old version of you.

What kind of condom though? With today’s technological advances, shopping for condoms is getting confusing with too many choices. It’s no longer just cling wrap around your penis, it’s the latest rave. There are those for ‘her pleasure’ that have an extra “pouch” or piece on the wwwunderside of the condom, to allow for a fuller feel. There are those that are studded, which have tiny studs all along it. From what I have heard, do not use these… All they do is hurt your partner. How about flavored ones? Sounds interesting (and kinky). One tip ladies, put it on for the guys. Ladies, you know how incompetent men are, so why trust them at such a crucial juncture. Men, it is no work on our part and it feels great when they do the work. Whatever your choice of style, just be sure to use one.

How do you go about getting one? Well, you can get free trial ones from Trojan or Durex themselves. And don’t worry, they won’t arrive in big yellow envelopes with big words saying, “CONDOMS for YOUR NAME.” It’s all inconspicuous. Or go to your drug store for some. Embarrassed? Get your girl to go in and get them for you. Or just get over it with the knowledge that you’re gonna get some while the person ringing you up has to be there for the next several hours while you’re getting some!

Sex: The morning after
When you’re done and laying there with his awfully big grin on your face that you can’t get rid of, smile a little bigger knowing that it was safe, protected, and hella fun. And if you bought a 12 pack of condoms, well, here we go…