The single life is great. You can go out with your mates, flirt with whomever you choose, and just have a good time. You’re free to do as you please, and you don’t have to impress anyone. But let’s face it. It gets pretty lonely when you’re alone in your apartment all night, watching X Files reruns and eating cheese whiz on Ritz crackers. After a while, you get tired of mixing with the same crowds, seeing the same people day after day, and so you decide that it’s time to meet someone new.

But where to start? For those out there who haven’t waded out into the dating pool for quite some time, the prospect of meeting new people can be somewhat intimidating. Even if you have plenty of dating experience under your belt, (no pun intended) finding good places to meet single people can be a challenge. Not to worry, however. Our friendly editor has enlisted me to offer some advice on meeting the opposite sex. I’ll do my best not to steer you wrong.

Dance clubs- Now, I would really discourage picking people up in one of these. First of all, it’s loud as hell in there. You definitely can’t hold a decent conversation, unless you’re good at shouting. Also, everyone always tries to look their best when they go to clubs, so you know that it can only go downhill from there. Plus, you’re probably drunk and are making an ass of yourself without realizing it. Like white guys trying to dance who really should know better. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that dance clubs are a good place to strut your stuff and bust a move, not get a date.

School/Classes- A classroom environment is a pretty safe bet. Whether you’re in high school, college, or just taking some special interest classes like pottery or welding, there are people there your age who share similar interests and goals. And it’s always fun to have crush on someone in your class. It gives you another reason to go.

Bars- Ah, bars. Where everyone likes to go to relax, get plastered, and forget about their troubles. The last thing you want to do when drowning your sorrows and talking to your psychiatrist/bartender is to put the moves on the chain-smoking high school student with the fake I.D. that’s sitting next to you. Believe me, it can only end in tears. Or in jail. Or both. On the other hand, a bar is a pretty laid-back place, and alcohol tends to break down the shyness barrier; so, it’s an easy place to strike up a conversation.

Clubs/Organizations- Speaking of bars, I suppose that you could meet someone at an AA meeting. The two of you can have a coffee and talk about the craziest places you’ve ever woken up. Good times. Anyway, clubs and organizations are ideal places to find people with whom you share a common interest. Plus it puts you in a situation where you have to interact with people.

Gyms- Sometimes, when people go to the gym, they just want to work out and do their own thing without being bothered. On the other hand, it does feel good to see the fruits of your labor paying off before you even leave the gym. And chances are that most people work out at the same time during the week, so it’s a way to see the person that you have an eye for fairly often. Plus, you get to see people when they’re all sweaty and barely clothed….. well, you get the point. But guys, if the chick is more built than you are, and she looks like she doesn’t want to be bothered, I wouldn’t recommend asking for her digits. You could lose some of your own.

Stores- I know that all you men live for shopping, and that you’re so busy focusing on which brand of cake mix to buy that if some short foxy lady asked you to reach the baking soda for her, you would just grab it, grumble, and move on. But seriously guys, if you want to meet women, this is where we are! Sooner or later, you are forced out into the mall because your jeans are creeping higher and higher up your legs, and your favorite T-shirts are becoming midriffs. You may as well make the best of this drudgery by asking some cute girl her opinion on a pair of slacks. We women love to give our opinions on clothing, and we’re all experts on fashion. Just ask us.

Parties/Mutual Friends- How many times have your friends said this to you: “Dude, I know this girl that you’ve just got to meet. She’d be perfect for you.” Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t. But at least you get a chance to meet somebody new. You can usually trust your friend’s judgment; although, blind dates are always pretty scary. Pump your pal for information before agreeing to one of these. You can also find new faces at parties thrown by your friends. People always look better through a hazy shade of beer/punch. Plus, it’s always easier to meet people when you’re being introduced to them rather than having to approach them yourself.

Wow. Well, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. I leave you now with a few words of advice on what to say to the opposite sex.
I don’t think I have to tell you that cheesy pick-up lines don’t work, however, if they’re funny enough, you might at least get someone’s attention. Here are three that I find especially amusing:
“Nice shoes. Wanna f*%$k?”
“I lost my dog in a cheap motel. Will you help me find him?”
“Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate, and sop you up with some biscuits.” (My personal favorite) ?

O.K. That’s all I’ve got. I hope it works for you. So go forth, be fruitful, but try not to multiply. Good luck!