Fact or Fiction: Do Men Tend To Shy Away From Commitment?

While some men do not deny having the sudden urge to run as quickly as possible when commitment is first introduced into a relationship, others feel men are terribly stereotyped.

Feeding into the psychobabble surrounding the whole “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” mass hysteria, women all over this country have been plagued and baffled by a singular question: why won’t men commit? Are men the only ones subject to commitment-phobia, or have women blown this relationship-wrecker out of proportion?

Ask, and they will tell you. Many women say men have “stalked” them, delivered flowers, offered romantic dinners, all to sweep them off their feet. However, after a period of time, when they expected the relationship to “move to that next level,” men did continue to sweep them…right under a rug. So why, when a relationship is seemingly on the up and up, do men pull back?

Chrissie, a 20-year-old college student, blames men’s inability to be satisfied. “They think it’s something better out there that they’re missing out on by being in a committed relationship.” Chrissie also believes men enjoy one-night stands as opposed to a committed relationship because “they feel they’re losing their freedom. It has more to do with their [men] selfishness and pigheadedness.”

Having survived a divorce (and the marriage) to whom she describes as “an extremely selfish man” and witnessing the demise of her son’s marriage, 50-year-old Phyllis says the commitment problems of men are nothing new under the sun.

“When a relationship starts getting serious, men tend to back off sometimes. And even when a lot of them get married, they’re not really committed to the marriage. That’s why a lot of them cheat.” Phyllis also contends that men are much quicker to ask a woman to move in with them than marry them.

So what happens when a man decides not to commit in his relationship? Ego trippin’ and giving themselves much props, some men love to still stake their claims, even if they closed the door to commitment. College senior Lindsay says he didn’t want his girlfriend out of his life even though the thought of commitment frightened him.

“Every time I would back off and say I just want to be friends, she would say she’s going to date someone else,” Lindsay explains. “And even though I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship then, I didn’t want her to be with anyone else.”

Hold on, ladies. Don’t discount all men. Some men are ready for a serious relationship, but can’t find a girl ready to settle down. John, a fifth year college student, says it’s more of an age thing than a gender thing. “I don’t think there are many 22-year-olds who will tell you, ‘I’m looking to settle down.’

“I had the chance to have a much more serious relationship with the second girl I had been with, but it scared me off because I was like ‘I can’t live my whole life only having sex with two people.’ I guess it was a big deal to me then.”

Although John says he doesn’t quite know what “enough” is, he believes once a person has had sex enough they realize it’s stupid. “If your whole motivation for taking girls out is to get into their pants, it’s stupid. That motivation’s not there for me anymore. Now, I won’t even take a girl out if I sense she’s not interested in something serious.”

Whether playing the field, holding out for something better, or acting just plain selfish, most men and some women cringe at the thought of commitment. So here are some basic facts about commitment…or the lack thereof for the love wanton (both male and female)…

1) Men – don’t let your pride fool you. There are plenty of fish in the sea and a woman who knows she’s a good woman will not wait around for you. Never allow yourself to believe she won’t get over you or at a moment’s notice, go running back to you.

2) Women – Do not measure your desirability based on whether he’ll commit to you or not. Most male commitment-phobia comes from within them, not from anything you’ve done or didn’t do.

3) Remember “a commitment is a demonstration of the highest regard and a great compliment of love. When your partner offers marriage or another form of formal commitment to you for the right reasons, he/she is saying you have been placed as the highest priority in his/her life.” Peter Hector, author of Love Is No Guarantee: What You Need To Know Before You Fall In Love.

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