13 Examples - Gym Eti-kit
   Ryan Simcox

Ryan Simcox

N eed a second opinion, write me an email, I could help.
ryan@enliv.com

  

There are many places a man goes to clear his head. Some men go on drives, others to a bar. For those men that actually use a beneficial release for their stress and try to get in shape, this is for you. In the first installment of 13 Examples, I will tell men how to act accordingly in the gym. These are the do and don'ts of the gym, so follow them and I promise you'll be more proper than Hammer.

Example 13: Ripping one in the gym. Look, if you are going to tear ass, make sure you are walking to the fountain or to another set. You know that saying "don't shit wear you sleep." Well the same concept applies to this. Don't crop dust where you are working out. In the unlikely chance that a ten-plus wants to work in, you must be prepared. If she comes over and smells a fog of Muenster cheese, your one chance of speaking to a hot girl for the first time in 6 months is blown.

Example 12: You can't make fun of your buddy's gym face. Push one more rep out is what you are saying, but inside you are laughing your ass off as your best buddy struggles. Nothing is worse than your spotter breaking out in laughter as you to get one more. There are two faces a man has that cannot be used against him. One is the look on his face while he's getting a lap dance (if you catch that look you are a perv to begin with) and second is his strain face.

Example 11: Only watch yourself. I only say this because if you are caught looking at another guy during a set, he may think you are looking to him on how to do a workout. Keep your eyes only on the mirror looking back at you.

 
Example 10: Don't wear caterpillar combat boots in the gym. Everybody knows you're uncomfortable so quit kidding yourself.

Example 9: Dropping weights. The seniors of the gym (40 and over), think this is a way of showing the younger guys they still have strength. Guess what? It doesn't work. You can be intense without being arrogant. We know you're strong; you don't need to drop weights to prove it, you need to lift them.

Example 8: Wearing a back brace. I have no problem with wearing back braces in the gym because sometimes you need it, like on leg day. The problem lies with the guys who wear back braces on arm day or chest day. Wearing it on those days serves no purpose. The only thing it does is make you look like you have a schtick up your ass. Not a stick, a schtick.

Example 7: Wash your hands. Nobody wants to use your pubic hair as a wrist wrap. I see way to many guys pissing and running.

Example 6: Calling out bitch. Once my gym partner said to me "come on bitch." I stopped the set right there and said don't call me a bitch. I didn't say like a tough guy, I said it more like "you're embarrassing us." Calling another guy bitch is like telling your friend in public you have a special surprise for him at home.
Example 5: Don't wear hip-pouches. What could you possibly have in there that you need? Gloves and towels get a duffel bag. So what's in there? There's probably a hole cut in the middle of the bag, so you could rest your C and B's.

Example 4: Girlfriends at the gym. This is for the whipped guys out there. Please refrain from bringing your girlfriend to the gym. Its ok if she goes to the same gym, but not at the same time. The gym should be your sanctuary. And if you happen to run into there, ignore her. Ignore her like you ignore your dog when you are watching a porno.

Example 3: These shirts are unacceptable: Spaghetti strap tank tops, any pink shirts, those big sweaters cut like incredible hulk. I am not insulting anyone, but what's with everyone's obsession with wearing some kind of fireman's shirt. There aren't that many fireman out there, so only represent if you are one. Perpetrators should be prosecuted.

Example 2: Don't wear any jeans that have been cut to suffocate your thighs. Just because you weigh 300 pounds and could bench press me times four, doesn't give you the right to wear dazzy duks in the gym. It seems as though the bigger some guys get in the gym, the more feminine they become. This leads into the first and final example.

Example 1: If you happen to catch a glimpse of a sac, don't say a word. It's happened to all of us at least once. You're about to max out on bench and need a spot. You call a guy over to spot you. Unfortunately this man is not observing rule 2 and he is wearing some high ass Speedo running shorts. You go to push out second rep and you realize that you see this man's brains. You can legally give up on the set and say you are tired and take off the weights or you can quietly walk to the bathroom and throw up. Either way, you can't stay in a place where you've seen another man's hairy beanbag. It just makes things awkward.

Next month... things you don't want to say!