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Her Side of the Story:
He was in an odd mood Sunday night. We planned to meet at a bar
for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought
it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised,
but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything
to make him upset, but could tell there was something wrong. The conversation
was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to some place intimate
so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was
STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do?
What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer
him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him.
Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and
he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way
back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around
me. I didn't know what that meant because you know he didn't say it back
or anything.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave
me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly,
I said I was going to go to
bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we
made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just
wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't
know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone
else.
His Side of the Story:
Played badly today -- shot 87 - can't putt. Felt
kinda tired. Got laid though.
Subject: Marketing
Different categories of marketing ----
You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You approach him and say, "I'm
fantastic in bed." - That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous guy. One
of your friends approaches him, points at you says, "She's fantastic
in bed." - it's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You approach him and get his telephone
number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous guy. You get up and straighten your
dress, you walk up to him and order him a drink and offer him a ride,
and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." - That's Public
Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed." - That's Brand Recognition.
Got a joke of your own? Email us at service@enliv.com
and see it posted!
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Smart Mouse
Michael Jordan's Little House - Click
for a picture of his estate.
How to Properly Launch your Personal Water Vehicle
The Pain
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon
their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked
if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor
of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining
that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced
before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the
doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the
machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The
doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well
he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued
to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out
the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL
the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Quick Joke
A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.
He > notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks
her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It
says that Indian men have the longest penises and Jewish men have the
biggest diameter penises. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Greenburg, nice to meet you!"
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25 Signs You've Grown Up
1. Your potted plants are alive, and you can't smoke one of them.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next
door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie ... the WHOLE date instead of the beginning
of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00 AM would severely
upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces,
"I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for
real work.
24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't
apply to you.
Ed Zachary Disease
A man was very distraught at the fact that he had not had a date or any
sex in quite some time. he was afraid he might have something wrong with
him, so he decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. His
doctor recommended that he see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.
Chang, so he went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr.Chang said, "OK, take off
all your crose." The man did as he was told. "Now, get down
and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the man
did as he was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
So he did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad.
You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf
sex or dates."
Worried, the man asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is
Ed Zachary disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied:
"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your butt."
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