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Subject: RELAX
Look at the picture attached.
If you see 2 dolphins, everything is Ok.
If you see ANYTHING else, you're working too hard.
Stop immediately and relax.
Twenty Years
A woman awakes during the night to find that her
husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look
for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee
in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the
wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps
into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes,
I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming
easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat
of my car kissing?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering
herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.. "Do you
remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry
my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember
that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek
and said, "I would have gotten out today."
Saudi Ambassador
to the U.N.
The Saudi Ambassador to the U.N. has just finished
giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets his American
counterpart. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You
know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America"
The American says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help
you I will do."
The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it
there are Russians and Blacks and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very
upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."
The American laughs and leans over. "That's because it takes place
in the future."
Q:
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good looking?
A: Because
those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What
makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have
no intention of driving.
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Sites worth clicking:
Psychic
Mind-Reading - sounds stupid
but it'll guess your number - guaranteed!
$1 Hands Free Headset for Cell
Phones
Deactivating
a Landmine
An Engineer's
View of Woman
Prison Break
A prisoner escapes from his California prison
where he had been
kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young
couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up
on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her,
he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy
is
a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in
prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells
you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry,
he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds: "He was not kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked
if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you
too."
Got a joke of your own? Email us at service@enliv.com
and see it posted!
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Actual analogies and
metaphors found in high school essays:
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a thigh master.
He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the
dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.
She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before
he throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge free ATM.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal
quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes
on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy
field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland
at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at
a speed of 35 mph.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east
river.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.
Young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while.
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night.
The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up. |
