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Condom
A seven-year-old kid walks in on his father putting on a condom and asks, “Daddy, what are you doing?”

The father stutters and stammers but finally comes up with, “Uh, I’m looking for a mouse.”

The kid asks, “What are you going to do, fuck it?”

Who Slapped Clinton?
Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde, and a frightfully awful looking fat lady were in a train carriage. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.

When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought, 'that rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.'

The fat lady thought, 'that dirty old Bill Clinton laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.'

Bill Clinton thought, 'George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.'

George Bush thought, 'I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again.'

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Drink Til You Want Me

Holding Hands?

Romance Books

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, & I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon & some days the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he /she isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him /her again.

6. I don't have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.

7. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

8. Don't be irreplaceable-if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

9. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious & carry a clipboard.

12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"